March 16, 2010

Rainy Weekend

Posted in Health, Weather, Women, Work tagged , , at 7:17 am by Liliana

Raindrops

Rainy weekend

I spent most of the weekend lying on the couch in my living room. My throat sore, sinuses congested, eyes watery and nose running, my head feeling as hollow as a pumpkin; had I not been so miserable, I would have laughed at how terrible the common cold can make us feel.

The weather outside perfectly mirrored my inner state – incessant, drizzly spring rain, blustery winds, metallic sky – perfect weather to curl up with a light novel and a cup of tea. That is what I did, and I felt very smug about it. When Nena called, I bragged about being good to myself, listening to my body and allowing myself time to heal.

By Sunday afternoon, I was expecting, no, I was demanding, to feel better. Hadn’t I given myself the entire weekend to recuperate? Well, my body apparently cared nothing about the fact that Mondays are busy days. I had meetings to go to, projects to finish. People were counting on me. I had no more time to give to myself.

I started feeling impatient and cross – with myself and those around me. Jeff and Sam could do nothing right. My sister called to see how I was feeling and whether I would go to work on Monday. Of course, I snapped, I am feeling better. Nena called and I told her the same story. After dinner I took a hot bath and went to read in bed. I was still hopeful.

Jeff has seen me push myself many times before, until I had nothing left to give. He has seen me get walking pneumonia because I refused to stop and heal before I got worse. Walking into our bedroom he asked how I felt. I am better, I tried to pretend. So he reminded me about the two weeks spent in bed last winter, two different orders of antibiotics and numerous doctor visits. He was right. I didn’t want that to happen again.

I emailed my boss and told him that I was still sick. He sent me a nice ‘get better’ message. He was probably relieved that I wasn’t there to infect anyone else. I will try to learn from this experiencing. But, knowing me, I will probably need reminders. Again and again.